Reece’s Rainbow Report #61: Effhauser Family

Minnesota mother Sarah Effhauser’s heart ached over that question more than once. When would be the right time to add a child with Down syndrome to her and husband Matt’s brood? 

It’s not like she had kept her desire to adopt a secret. She and Matt, a sales manager for a lubrication company, had only been married a few years the first time she brought it up. Sarah had studied special education in college, eventually learning that scores of kids with an extra chromosome languished in orphanages worldwide, waiting for families to adopt them. How could that fact not break anyone’s heart? 

“There were times that I would be sad about not being able to rush for these sweet waiting children,” Sarah admits. “But as we continued to grow our biological family, I knew that if God willed it, our time would come.” 

That time came after Sarah gave birth to their fifth child. A now-or-never feeling moved in, prompting her to ask Matt to truly, intentionally pray about the possibility of adopting a child with Down syndrome. To Sarah’s relief, it was only a short time later that her husband agreed to look at waiting children. 

“Now looking back at it all, God’s timing was perfect,” she says. “All of that waiting was that so Rex would be there for us when we were ready, when he was waiting, and that the family God set aside to mend the brokenness would be looking for him.” 

Rex is the newest Effhauser, a six-year-old Serbian sweetheart who loves swings and hardboiled eggs, doesn’t mind frozen winters and despises hugs and affectionate smothering. He became an American at age three in 2022 thanks to Sarah finding his photo listing earlier. Something just clicked, so she excitedly sent a screenshot to Matt. 

“He sounds like he’d fit right in!” Matt responded. One homestudy, what seemed like 10,000 documents, a lot of waiting and a three- to four-week trip to Serbia later, and Rex, code-named “Tolliver,” was theirs. 

“Our time in Serbia was really beautiful,” said Sarah, a 39-year-old communications employee for the Effhausers’ local church and diocese. “Coming from a big family that always seems to be on the go and having our days filled from morning to night, we really took the time to slow down and be intentional.”

The second two weeks in-country were spent getting to know each other. Though the Effhausers were already parents to five biological children, now ages 17 down to six, grafting a toddler with special needs onto the family tree was unlike anything the couple had experienced. 

Even so, they quickly learned some new things: easygoing Rex liked peekaboo, dance parties and going for walks. He wasn’t the steadiest on his feet, nor did he know how to eat anything that wasn’t pureed. Thankfully, with therapy and encouragement, he quickly began growing in height, weight and confidence once he came home to the Effhausers’ northwestern Minnesota farm, conquering new tastes, textures and surfaces.

“Sometimes, we look at him or look back at pictures and wonder how these two boys are even the same little guy!” says Sarah. “He has become so social, knowing when people enter the room, how to engage in conversation with someone or purely knowing that his presence matters.” 

Part of that comes from being in a family that’s always on the go. The Effhausers flew in from Serbia on a Friday night, for example, and by sunrise the next morning, Matt was already gone with two kids to an archery tournament. Though the new family of eight did their best to cocoon those first few months, life with six kids often dictated otherwise. 

Even in the midst of the hustle and bustle, Sarah and Matt, now age 40, bonded to Rex by always being the ones to meet his needs. It didn’t matter if those needs were met in a gym, a tournament or a class; it simply mattered that they were teaching their new son that they could always be trusted and hold a special role in his life. 

The first night that Rex fell asleep in his new mother’s arms was simply magical. But even more exciting to Sarah and Matt was when he allowed them to cover him with a blanket or crawled into their bed at night to sleep. 

“I think the most important change for us is that he knows he is safe and loved,” Sarah says. “He seeks out affection from Matt and me and allows us to console him when he’s sad. He knows we are his people.” 

So are Rex’s siblings, who all claim him as their favorite person, and in a different way, the school and church community around him. 

“He is a valued member of his classroom and has so many sweet friends,” says Sarah. “He is known by so many in our schools and community, and even though Matt and I are both ‘hometown kids’ in our community, many kids know us because of Rex.” 

The eighth Effhauser is mastering his assisted communication device, daily adding more words, phrases and buttons (“Although he is non-verbal,” Sarah explains, “he has so much to say!”). The rest of his new family has grown, too. There is more patience in everyday situations, more awareness of the blessings of togetherness and community, more advocacy for those still without families. 

“Knowing that Rex spent the first three years of his life as he did, the trauma he carries, and knowing the life he has now, our hearts ache for those that still wait,” Sarah says. “We hope that by sharing our story, we will inspire those to prayerfully discern how they can step into the gap for waiting children.” 

At the perfect time, of course — so that the what about now’s of others will also morph into they sound like they’d fit right in.