Reece’s Rainbow Report #57: Castaneda Family

Carly Castaneda, a 20-something nurse from Texas, looked at her mom nervously. What would she say? Would her mother crush Carly’s dream of making that sweet face in the photo part of the Castaneda clan? 

Such a crushing would only require a few words, after all. Carly was single, with no husband on the horizon. And “Vinny,” the six-year-old Bulgarian boy in the photo, was physically beautiful yet living a broken life with cerebral palsy and epilepsy in an orphanage. Adopting him, like Carly was considering, would be a huge, scary step, not to mention a lifelong commitment. 

Carly’s mom took a deep breath and smiled. “Can we just go get him now?” she asked. 

And with that, Carly was off on the adventure of a lifetime. 

“I was so worried about what people were going to think and say about me adopting as a single mom,” she says. “But it was really cool to be met with that level of support. It was awesome.” 

So is “Vinny,” as it turns out, or Carter as he’s now known. Carly thinks back to the first week spent in Bulgaria together in 2021, when neither of them had any idea who he truly was.

They both know now. 

“Carter was just a shell of himself there,” she remembers. “But he’s fully grown into who he is now, and he’s so confident about who Carter is.” 

And who is Carter, exactly? His new mom can tell you. He’s a nine-year-old Texan who will stick his tongue out to say no, delights in making others laugh and hates saying goodbye to fun people and experiences. 

“A little bit of a wild child in a great way,” Carly laughs.

Blame Instagram. Carly found Reece’s Rainbow through the social media app several years ago and began following families through their adoption processes. She was 24 years old when she first saw Carter’s photo. She immediately forwarded his profile to a friend: “Look at this little cutie!” 

Unexpectedly, Carly kept returning to stare at that tiny face. There was simply something about Carter that hooked its way into her heart. 

“I don’t even want to admit the amount of times I went to his profile, looked at his picture and reread the words,” Carly laughs. “I can’t even pinpoint what it was that kept me coming back.” 

But that mysterious something won out in the end — once Carly could wrap her head around what adopting Carter would entail, including the social repercussions. 

“It was like, are people going to dissuade me from doing this?” she says. “I mean, I’ve worked with kids with disabilities since I was 18, and everyone close to me knows that population has had a huge impact on my life, but I wasn’t sure what they were going to say about me adopting.” 

The big surprise: most everyone, including Carly’s five siblings, were incredibly supportive from the beginning. That list includes, of course, Carter’s now-grandmother. She even accompanied Carly to Bulgaria for the pickup trip, as did Carly’s brother, to help out. 

And Carly indeed needed help! Carter, mostly nonverbal and a wheelchair user, wanted to be held constantly, allowing his new mother to sit only for feedings. 

“I’m sure he was scared and terrified, so most of our time in Bulgaria was spent walking up and down the hallways of our Air BnB,” she remembers. “But even in the eight days we were there, you could see him opening up a bit more.” 

When they got home to Texas, Carly quickly deduced that the malnourished Carter was having swallowing difficulties. A study showed that he was aspirating all foods, leading to a trip straight to the emergency room. Her new son had only just begun to trust Carly when it came to food, so having to switch to a G-tube — where he no longer got to enjoy the process, taste or texture of meals — threw him for a massive loop. 

“This rhythm of, ‘You’re hungry; you can eat’ — that strengthened his trust with me so much, but then it was taken away from him in an instant,” Carly recalls. “It was horrible. To feel like I took that away from him when I knew that what we’re doing is keeping him alive, that made the first few months super difficult.” 

But the new duo eventually found a workable routine. That routine included school, which Carter immediately loved. 

“We were learning together. I was learning how to be a mom, while all he knew was being an orphan,” she says. “He was learning how to be a son, and we were just trying to figure it out together.” 

Thankfully, they have, for the most part. Carter has gained 20 pounds and can use an eye-gaze device for communication. He usually masters his goals at school so quickly that his teachers and mother are left scrambling to create more. He uses a gait trainer to assist in walking, loves going on bike rides and happily uses his favorite new word of “mom” (“He learned it last summer and has not stopped,” Carly notes). Those who know him call him hardworking, intelligent and funny. 

There’s still no husband on the horizon, or even a current boyfriend. The reason? Carly hasn’t met anyone who is worthy of being Carter’s dad. 

“Whenever I’m looking to date someone now or thinking about someone, it’s no longer through the lens of me; it’s through the lens of Carter,” Carly explains. “Would he be patient and kind enough to handle all the things involved in Carter’s care?” 

The single life is more than okay for now. Maybe someday, sure, but if not, the Castanedas are content with each other. 

“I think people might think, ‘Oh she gave up all the fun of being in her late 20s and single,’ but honestly I am so happy to just be at home with Carter playing the same games we play every day,” says Carly, now 30. “That is just as fun and exciting to me as what I, quote-on-quote, ‘should be doing.’” 

What she should be doing is being the best mother to her son. And that’s not just what Carly thinks.

From deep within her bones, it’s what she knows.